Well, the weekend was good. Not really anything too exciting- basically what I wrote in the last post happened, and that was that.
I'm going to talk about some things that I really struggle with, and ultimately I am hoping to get some feedback because generally I feel like I'm the only one like this. So- as I've stated in the past, I've concluded that I'm afraid of commitment. I think not only because I'm afraid but because I struggle with huge anxiety issues. Every time I think about being with one person or think that maybe they are getting "attached" to me, I feel my heart start to pump and I feel trapped. It isn't a fun feeling- and it continues to happen. My biggest concern is that maybe relationships just trigger my anxiety and no matter what I do- the anxieties will always be there. I've always come to the conclusion that maybe the relationship just isn't right for me...but part of me really wonders if it's more of psychological issue.
I was talking a friend this weekend and he was saying that in all the relationships he'd been in, he'd never felt the need to break up with someone or that it wasn't right for him. He just always felt fine about everything and the girl always ended up dumping him. Ummmmm opposite of my life maybe! How I wish I could be that way! Of course I wouldn't want to be someone that puts up with being disrespected or anything of the sort, but to just be content with one person for a long period of time!
So it is just me? Am I the only one? I feel like I can't be. I just wish I could find some clear answer as to what to do because if it is just me and my crazy head...maybe I just need to brave the storm and find a way to come to terms with the fact that this is something I am just going to need to deal with for the rest of my life. But if it isn't...if I really will find someone where I don't have these constant anxieties about....
What if, what if, what if....
Love you guys
3 years ago
6 comments:
You definitely aren't the only one. I think a lot of people are like that. And who knows. Maybe when you find someone you can picture being with the rest of your life, that will go away.
Hey, I'm pretty sure we're the same person and that LOADS of others feel this way. I also have had a bit of a commitment problem but I realized it had nothing to do with me. It's kinda like the U2 song, "I still haven't found what I'm looking for." That was my problem. The guy could be great but it didn't matter. I just wasn't feelin' it. On the reverse, if I made myself believe I was feeling it because deep down I knew the guy wasn't (the whole idea of you want what you can't have) that's what gave me anxiety. The thought that I could potentially get my heart broken by someone I hardly knew...but I knew if he only knew me better, he'd think I was the shit. Y'know? Am I making sense? Anyway, my whole point to end this novel comment is that with the right guy you SHOULD feel completely comfortable. Of course you will have your differences sometimes but if you're feeling anxiety about any relationship it's because there's something wrong. Whether miscommunication or one person may be feeling it more than the other or whatever. Basically, feel confident about yourself and how you are handling your life and everything in it (including relationships) and that anxiety should disappear. A healthy relationship should never give you anxiety...only excitement. The more relaxed you are about a relationship, the better it's gonna go (even if the relationship ends).
Oh, I hear you. I've never had a relationship longer than 3 or 4 months. I get cabin fever and start to wig out. I've been broken up with one time in my life, and it was by a girl I had a fling with the week before she planned to move to St. George. She called to tell me she didn't want to do the long distance thing. I didn't care... at all. It was actually reassuring.
If there is one thing I've learned though the long list of non-successful relationships (each one has been better than the last) it's that it's SO important to be yourself, to be relaxed and to be happy. My relationship anxiety starts to set in when I don't feel like I can be honest with the person I'm with, like when I need some space or a guys night or something.
This is why I move slow. I hate it when people rush into crap and pin you against a wall, trying to force you into a relationship decision. Just relax. Enjoy each other. Have fun. Laugh. Dance (let's go dancing, by the way). That anxiety probably won't go away for a while, but when you're with someone you really enjoy and you know accepts you for who you are, you will realize that the perks of being with that person far outweigh the negatives of being 'stuck' in a relationship.
But that's just my two cents...
P.S. I really hope you find the person who makes you truly happy, wherever he may be.
You aren't the only one! I think especially living in Utah with all the pressure around dating and marriage this happens to a lot of girls. I get extreme anxiety if I've hung out with a guy for more than a few weeks. I feel like he is projecting this future on me that I don't want any part of . Sometimes I think that being in a relationship means I will lose my independence. I'm trying to get over the idea that exclusivity equals trapped. It's a risk you have to take if you want to include someone else in your life romantically. Which is tough for me right now because I don't feel like I need that in my life. Don't let Utah tell you that you have to be married or have a boyfriend to be happy, it's simply not true!
Hey B, Everyone has made some pretty good comments and they're all true. Especially the one by ms. anonymous. I think that you will feel that it's right when you meet the right person.. I have been dating a lot longer than you have and i'm still single. I tried hard with every girl i dated to figure out if there was something there or not. I always got afraid of commitment issues and i just felt like i wanted to keep dating. The only reason, because i still hadn't found "the one".
Recently i met an incredible girl and i don't fear commitment anymore. So i'm just saying, the same as Kristina p. when you find someone you feel connected to.. the anxiety will automatically go away and everything will just click.
yes it does suck and it can be confusing when it comes to commitment. However, next time you have an offer eventually in your lifetime you should just shoot for it. But, only if they have high standards and you enjoy being around them of course. If you are into them, just try it.
Post a Comment