Happy Ending

My Dearest Faithful Readers,

I felt it only appropriate to share some wonderful news with you. You spent a year of your life following mine, filled with love and loss. I'm so so happy tell you that Saturday night, I got engaged!!!

For more details, please check out my current blog. I love you all and I'm so grateful I finally found my "Z."

All my love,

Bailey B

When one door closes...

I'm back!! Kind of. I have a new blog...feel free to check it out if you've missed me :)

http://fallinginlike.wordpress.com/

Fin.

I know that I've kept you waiting for awhile...and I am sure this will only disappoint.

I've been thinking a lot about where I'm going and how I'm getting there. It's been a real struggle to find some purpose in some of my vices, this blog included.

For that reason....I've decided to stop writing on this blog. Indefinitely.

I guess a part of me just can't continue coming back when things I'm so excited about inevitably become flushed down my relationship toilet. I've even started to write for you, instead of writing for myself. My intention for this blog was to practice my writing and in the process find myself and share my often ridiculously amusing dating experiences. I feel it has served its purpose. It needs to finish.

It's only fitting that I end without finding my Z. Z is my end. He is my one. Maybe I'll be searching for Z longer than I'd ever wanted to. Maybe it will take a hundred or thousand more letters to get to him...but someday I'll come to the end of this increasingly frustrating alphabet. Maybe I'll come back to this. Maybe I'll find a need for it again. I can't make promises.

I hope this goodbye finds you well. I hope that in some way you've found something worth while in reading my hopes, dreams, frustrations, and sorrows. I hope you miss me. I will miss you.

Love Always,

Bailey

David Hasselhoff

I decided to take my cue from Julie and check out all the weirdo keywords that have been used to bring people to my sweet awesome blog. Here are my top 6 (you know I can never do just 5) fav's:

6. How do I stop flirting with guys I don't like?

- Really? That's a problem for you?

5. Do you kiss on the first date?

- This one is common. Seems like everyone in the world just doesn't know what to do!

4. Professional Dater

- That's me!

3. Fat Dater

- Yeah. I'm pickin up what you're puttin down.

2. "I have a date" Church

- Is this a religion? I want to join.

1. www.nesquik.com

- I love chocolate milk.

(let's see how many hits the title of this blog gets! ba ha!)

Secrets, secrets are no fun!

So...I've kind of maybe sort of been keeping some secrets from you. But don't be mad...cause I'm going to tell you right....now!

1. There is a Mr. X. I can't say much about him. Really, I can't say anything. Keeping him a mystery just seems fitting doesn't it? I will say...he gives me butterflies. Smiley face.

2. I had a date Monday with Y. I really enjoyed his company and he was nothing but sweet. We cruised on his sweet awesome motorcycle (No, this is not motorcycle guy I was supposed to go out with, and yes, I am a sucker for bikes). We went to a movie...and I'd actually seen this movie twice in theatres already, but it's OK...because I love it :) I would like to see him again, but my heart seems to be a little occupied. I'll be sure to let you know of any further developments.

Almost to Z people, can you believe it? I can't. I'm not sure I had any expectations to not get through the whole boy alphabet, but I also can't say I'm surprised. A little sad? Maybe. Happy that I've had all of you around to enjoy it with me? Absolutely. Still need suggestions on how to keep track of the boys after Z...so get thinking!

Still can't believe he egged my car...

Women generally have a natural tendency to care- to be caring. We want people to be happy and sometimes we will sacrifice our needs to meet those of others. In the game of dating, this quality is not only necessary, but it can also be a hindrance.

It's kind of messy, but let me explain.

Women want to be loved. In order to find that love, and keep that love, we often go on rampage of service and caring, hoping that in the end a reciprocated love will be our reward. To care is good...to care is honorable...to care is God-like. Being able to care that way about someone is part of being in love, part of giving love. At some point though, we need to care enough about ourselves.

We spend so much time worrying about feelings. Especially me. I think people who know me in person might think differently, but the feelings of others are a huge concern to me. With people I date, I am always walking on pins and needles because I don't want to cause unnecessary harm or heart break. At some point though I have to realize that their feelings are not my responsibility. Really.

I have absolutely no control over Ryan when he egged my car after I broke up with him (seriously, crazy right?!)

I have no control over Mike being so upset and refusing to accept my reasoning when I knew that ending our relationship was what I needed to do at that point in my life.

And it's hard! It was SO SO hard for me to make those decisions. I spend hours and days, in some cases even months, agonizing over making the right choices. I just don't want anyone to be sad! But you know what? My happiness is all that I am in control of. I can't ever learn to love and give myself to someone if I can't find a way to be satisfied with who I am on my own.

I really don't know if you feel this way. I don't know who you are or what's going on in your life, but maybe you're just like me. Just trying to find a way to get through it all and make it out with some dignity and class...and good pair of red heels :)

Love sickie

California has been fun and relaxing thus far with the exception of my being sick. It seems I'm always sick. However, I have had the luxury of being taken care of by wonderful (distant) family members.

I've been having somewhat of a pity party for myself and my ever present singleness lately. Most of the time, I acknowledge the pain, then move on in moments. This week has been slightly more difficult. I don't think I should spend my life wallowing in sorrows, especially when I cannot control the situation. I want to be positive, and the older I get the more I start to follow the "glass is half full" mantra. But alas...this week has been hard. I want to love and be loved. I imagine love will find me when I'm ready, but does that ease the pain of a lonely heart? Not at all.

I will say that I am happy I've become the person I have. I think so many people loose themselves in trying to fill voids in their hearts, but not me. Although digressing in love, I've progressed in other ways, and for that, I am grateful.

Life is good.