It's kind of messy, but let me explain.
Women want to be loved. In order to find that love, and keep that love, we often go on rampage of service and caring, hoping that in the end a reciprocated love will be our reward. To care is good...to care is honorable...to care is God-like. Being able to care that way about someone is part of being in love, part of giving love. At some point though, we need to care enough about ourselves.
We spend so much time worrying about feelings. Especially me. I think people who know me in person might think differently, but the feelings of others are a huge concern to me. With people I date, I am always walking on pins and needles because I don't want to cause unnecessary harm or heart break. At some point though I have to realize that their feelings are not my responsibility. Really.
I have absolutely no control over Ryan when he egged my car after I broke up with him (seriously, crazy right?!)
I have no control over Mike being so upset and refusing to accept my reasoning when I knew that ending our relationship was what I needed to do at that point in my life.
And it's hard! It was SO SO hard for me to make those decisions. I spend hours and days, in some cases even months, agonizing over making the right choices. I just don't want anyone to be sad! But you know what? My happiness is all that I am in control of. I can't ever learn to love and give myself to someone if I can't find a way to be satisfied with who I am on my own.
I really don't know if you feel this way. I don't know who you are or what's going on in your life, but maybe you're just like me. Just trying to find a way to get through it all and make it out with some dignity and class...and good pair of red heels :)
5 comments:
I found your blog via Karen's blog. It's awesome. I love talking relationships. I loved this post. I think you are absolutely correct when you said caring is a good thing, but also a bad thing. In the end, you can only be responsible for your own actions. How people respond to your actions is their business.
I'm definitely going to start checking out your blog more often! :)
Someone egged your car? How immature.
Hi, Bailey. I really liked this post, and I completely agree with it.
It's kind of funny because the guy that recently broke up with me did it because he thought I didn't care about his feelings. But all I did was OBSESS about making sure I kept his feelings in mind and that I didn't do anything to hurt him.
But men and women are different and, in the end, all the caring I did was based on what I thought he wanted and not really on what he needed.
COMMUNICATION, people. ;-)
And, seriously. Egging your car? That's just crazy. I haven't delved deeply into your blog yet, but I am desperately hoping that happened in high school.
He egged your car?? Haha! What an idiot! That definitely says A LOT about him. Good job dumping him :)
Also, I think it is absolutely crucial that men and women, mothers and daughters, siblings, etc care for each other. I think it's HUMAN nature. BUT I also think that it is very important to be...(this is TOTALLY the WRONG word)...but to be kind of selfish when you first start dating. Oh man, that REALLY is the wrong word. But what I mean is that it's so important for YOU to ensure that you're getting what you want out of the relationship(not when it comes to silly things) but just basically that you're not settling. Sure, women tend to care and sometimes bend over backwards (and maybe end up doing something they really don't like just so their shnookums is happy) but it's important to notice what makes you truly happy around another person and what just makes you stress out so that they're happy. When I first started dating Jake, I made sure that I was the pursued (because that's how I like it) and that we did things together that both of us enjoyed and that I didn't just spend all my time worrying about him (or vise versa). We would not be in a relationship right now if that were not the case. I just think it's extremely important to make sure you know exactly what you're getting into when you start seriously dating. Blah blah blah :)
why doesnt your blog come up right???
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