From a Break to an Ache

I'm still a little sad, how could I not be right?! I was dumped. Completely out of no where. Didn't see it coming. Part of me doesn't want to hold back and just say every horrible thing I think and feel. Really though, it wouldn't help. I think if anything it would prolong my efforts to getting past my deeply hurt feelings. But I can definitely feel I'm getting some help from a higher power. I've just been trying to keep a positive outlook and find reasons to be grateful...

1. I got 7 books for school online...for 100 bucks!!
2. I get to spend a whole week in California...no snow!
3. This whole week includes no work, school, or agenda. I feel free.
4. I've been able to sleep. I have such a hard time sleeping normally, it's been such a blessing to be able to get some rest.
5. I went shopping (retail therapy) and got some killer deals.

So just a few off the top of my head. I've been thinking a lot about what the new year will bring (despite the holiday being much different than anticipated). I've never been one to set resolutions, but this year I think I should do it. I might be scared to make goals in fear of not achieving them, but I've felt excited lately. Excited and empowered to try new things. To learn things I would normally never think to attempt and to make those attempts successful. I don't have anything to lose so I might as well expand my ever growing horizons!

I really just want to be completely satisfied with who I am and the life situation that I am in. I refuse to wait for something to "happen" to which I can declare I am truly "happy." I work really hard. I should be able to relish in the fruits of my labors and feel good about the person I've become. I'm really not so bad. I am very loyal to those I care about. I have such a hunger for knowledge and a drive to succeed. I am ambitious. I want to serve. I want to make a difference in the world. I fight until the end. In every project I give 100%. Nothing is worth doing if it isn't done right. I try to do the right thing. I am responsible. I am reliable. I am independent.

I don't mean to say I'm this amazing person without flaws or a sense of reality. I just think it's OK to feel good about myself sometimes. I think the majority of my life has been spent feeling like no matter what I do, it will never be enough. I really just want to shake the chains that have bound me to that philosophy. I'm a good person.