I slept in till 1

Last night was really fun. The Cavs game was great! We played a card game while watching which made it 10 times easier for me to pay complete attention and not fall asleep. Don't get it twisted- I do like to watch sports. I'm very competitive and I love the spirit of it all. Just sometimes I would rather be watching American Idol...know what I mean? So, I give the game an 8 out of 10 on the funness scale.

So after the game, L and the rest of the Cavs game watchers went to a Birthday party. It's always a little weird going when you don't even know the guest of honor, but it was great! I have a super hard time making friends with girls. Pretty much I only have one girlfriend, Melissa, which is probably why I rely so heavily on having dates over the weekend as to not feel so lonely. So last night at the party I was able to meet some great girls and start a jumping off point for friendships! It's something I truly desire and I feel if I just take a few steps forward in effort to make it happen, It will. 9 out of 10 on funness scale.

After the party, we went over to L's house with the group and watched Shaw Shank Redemption. I'd never seen it and the edited version was great! Loved it. Even though I sort of fell asleep...but just a little.

So FINALLY at 4 am we drive into my neighborhood. We had a mini DTR in the car. DTR- otherwise lovingly known as defining the relationship. Really, I'm not opposed to them. I know they have this horrible connotation of being heavily weighed and extra invasive, but to me it's an important part of crucial communication. So, just to break it down, he said he really enjoyed spending time with me and would like to continue doing so. I told him I wasn't quite ready to jump into a new relationship (it's only been a couple weeks since super sad break up) and that it's important to me to develop a friendship first. Ultimately I walked away happy with the outcome.

The only bad part is my anxiety. I have so so much. I think about all aspects of the relationship- most of which I cannot control- and try to avoid any sort of hurt to either party. I'm still trying to learn that I'm not responsible for others feelings. They have that choice, to feel how they want to feel. Obviously this doesn't give me a free pass to be disrespectful, I just cannot carry that burden on myself, especially in dating land. I know he is older. I know he is looking for something serious. I need to be aware of that. And I also can't do something that compromises how I feel for it.

I wish things were easier. The way I felt with J felt so easy. But look how long it lasted. Was it too easy? I get that relationships and dating are hard. I get that. Sometimes I just wish...I can't even finish this sentence. I don't know what I wish. Just different maybe. A little different.