Numero 2

Part 1....

and..

Part Dos:

After the year of hell, otherwise known as sophomore year, I couldn't shake the horrible feelings. I was sad all the time. It took everything I had just to get out of bed in the mornings. I remember spending hours in my room hoping more than anything that I wouldn't have to come out. When I was surrounded by people, I felt completely alone. It was a weird dynamic; I wanted so badly for someone to know how much I was suffering inside but at the same time I would have rather died than told anyone. I became an exceptional actress.


One day I was on vacation with my family in St. George, Utah. My Dad and Aunt started talking about a discussion that was being had with the youth in a church group. Apparently someone had written a note about having thoughts of suicide. My Dad couldn't believe it. He went on and on about how scary that is, and my Aunt agreed. They kept going about how they needed to help this person and how sad it was. At that moment I woke up, figuratively speaking. I thought, "Wait, that's not normal? Every teenager doesn't have those reoccurring thoughts constantly?"


I had always chalked up my intense moods, irritability, and deep depression to normal teenage anxiety. The first thing I did when I came home from that vacation was jump online. I googled the word Depression. As I read, I felt like someone had jumped into my head, saw all my thoughts and wrote them down. To be honest, I felt relief. I didn't have to be this way. This wasn't who I really was. Maybe now since I knew something was wrong, I could be fixed?!