Mean Girl

The next few posts have been a long time coming. I've really wanted to talk about a few things I deal with in my life, but I really haven't had the courage. It's an interesting contrast my life has become- between the me in real life and the me in the blogosphere. I tend to open up to very few people in real life. I hate feeling vulnerable. The reason I've taken my sweet time in opening up on a deeper level on here is because many close friends and family read this and I'm just not sure I want them to know certain things about me. I'm not a serial killer or a secret freaky doll collector or anything, just to be clear. But when I was 16 I began a battle I didn't know I would be fighting for the rest of my life.

A part of me that doesn't define me, Part 1:

I turned 15 a few months into my sophomore year of high school. It had been a rough summer as I decided that I needed to move from my current group of friends (druggie slash skanky chicks) to some people who maybe I had a little more in common with. I'd also tried out to be on the Cheer Squad and not only made it, but was appointed as Captain. This become a more frustrating experience than I ever thought it would be. There was one girl who I'd essentially grown up with who was also on the squad. I don't think I'll ever really know why, but she decided she was going to hate me and do her best to make my life as hard as possible to live.

I still consider that year to be one of the hardest, if not THE hardest of my life. She spread rumors about me. She told people that I was a bad person and would put me down whenever she got the chance. She threatened to beat me up or have her friends beat me up. She made it difficult to keep my cheer squad together and eventually ended up quitting which left our little team in a lurch. You know the saying that the squeaky wheel gets the grease? Well, she got it. I didn't have any friends. I felt really alone. I never fought back. My Mom kept telling me that if I just didn't react eventually it would stop. And it did. But at the expense of triggering a part of me I never knew I had.

To be continued...