Alright, so these past few days my thoughts have really settled around the puzzle pieces of relationships. I just kept thinking, how could things with Nate not have worked out? We had all the pieces it seemed. We liked being together. We made each other laugh. We have the same morals and values. We were on the same wave length as far as having children and finances etc etc. So why didn't it work?
This had been consuming me up until yesterday. I talked to Nate online and asked him if he thought we were done forever. Ultimately what I got out of the conversation was that he was pretty over me. I was so sad because I thought we both were still wanting to be together, but it seems that isn't the case. Maybe the break up made us both see our feelings for what they really were. I cared more than I thought, and I guess he didn't care as much as he thought.
Initially this made me really sad, and yet AGAIN, I cried myself to sleep. But this morning I felt like I'd had some sort of closure. If he doesn't want to be with me, then there is no reason for me to keep wishing and hoping. Maybe we did have a lot of those puzzle pieces there...but not all of them.
I'm not saying I'm fine now. It still makes me sad and of course, I'm still a little damaged. But at least now I can move on and begin the BHR- broken heart recovery. On a side note, there should be a rehab center for broken hearts. I'll dedicate it to Cody and Berkeley for no other reason than Berkeley's married name sounds like a funeral home slash rehab: Berkeley Hill.
It wouldnt be a rehab without Amy.
8 comments:
You know, that's a good point about the closure and being able to move on. Right now, I'm involved with a guy who knows he can't dedicate 100% to a relationship right now, so we're just friends and seeing how things develop in the future. But sometimes I think it might be easier if I knew we were both really in it or not in it. As weird as it sounds, I'd almost like the closure of knowing there's nothing there instead of wishing and hoping, like you were doing, that there will be something for us in the future. I think closure does a lot and even though our hearts might have a harder time moving on than our heads, it's a positive step to get the wheels in motion to a full "recovery."
I was stuck in a perpetual friend zone with this guy I thought I was in love with, right before I met my husband.
Long story short, he was an ass who dropped off the face of the planet and stopped talking to me, which was the best thing that could have happened, because I couldn't move on with him in my life.
I definitely got closure. Oh, and then he called again when he heard I was engaged. Ass.
I secretly love a guy friend of mine. argh. I will do anything for him. ANYTHING. I hate that about myself. It's so irritating! I stopped talking to him for about 5 months, and I was so proud. But I just unblocked him on gchat. WHY????
Cause we're girls. and we do stupid stuff for stupid guys.
Always remember...
Hey B-
I think it's good that you at least got some closure. You have had a rocky dating road...speaking from experience at least you knew that it wasn't going to work out. I hate myself everyday for my first marriage.
I would say take a small break from dating so you can regroup. I know that sounds weird but that way you can't "rebound" as easily, if you get where I am coming from.
C
PS- You might be a girl but NOT stupid
his loss B. you know that. I love you sis, your prince charming is out there still. maybe you need to move to AZ to find him... ;) loveya
We all deal with things differently. Don't take his way of reacting to the situation as a direct reflection of his feelings towards you. It's likely that he misses you too, but just copes with the loss in a more masculine, I'm-not-going-to-show-my-feelings, play-it-off-like-it-was-nothing kind of way. Maybe he carries scars from past relationships just like you, and maybe he wishes you only the very best in what lies ahead for you.
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