Today would be our anniversary. Nate and mine that is. I wouldn't have even remembered (I have been trying not to dwell on anything) except I set a reminder on my phone! I'm retahded. That's right, with a Boston accent. Retahded.
I've been thinking a lot about love lately. I really can't remember what it feels like to be in love anymore. I remember how it feels to lust, to crush, to like a lot, but I don't remember how love feels. It makes me sad. Especially since I've almost given up on love for me. I believe in love still, but I don't know if I believe in it for me anymore. Maybe it's just not in the cards for me. Everyone around me keeps saying to hold on, it will come. But they don't know that! Who knows, I could very well be the next Susan Boyle. All alone and frumpy.
8 comments:
Harsh as it may sound, I recommend you stop thinking so much about yourself and start thinking of others. Over the past week or so of stress and strain, that has been my only solace from the misery of the real world. You won't find love if you wait for it to come to you... you have to track it down by demonstrating that very love to others. And even if it doesn't come immediately (which it rarely does) through a significant other, it will come personally as you discover that what is really important in this life is lightening the burden of another. At least that's what I think.
Wow... You're right about being the same person. We are SO similar!
I've felt the same as you are right now. Sometimes I feel like I'm not meant to be in relationships. I have great friends and I'm developing my career and I'm involved in various community organizations and I've been wondering if that's just me. Maybe I'm not meant to find love, get married, et cetera... Even when I'm in a relationship, it's not always what I expected it would feel like and I find myself missing single life. But then there's other days where I feel confident that I'll find someone for me and it won't be so difficult to be in a relationship.
Right now, I'm just getting over a relationship... And I'm focusing on my career (I just started my own business) and finding happiness within myself. Who knows, maybe while I'm doing that, love will track me down and I'll find myself in a relationship someday. If not, I think I'll be okay single, too. Who knows what the future holds for any of us... But it is definitely nice to find people who feel the same way sometimes! :)
Bailey, I disagree with Mr. Bags. Service is always great and makes you feel good (and seems to be the churchy way to solve all problems even though it's not always the case...seriously, think about how much time Christ spent ALONE rather than doing service - disclaimer: he did do a lot though:)...blah blah blah. But, girl, the first thing you need to realize is that there's NOTHING wrong with you! Part of it is even though you've met and dated really great guys, you haven't met the guy who's up to par for you. Maybe he's "in the next life" (I hate when people say that, so sorry about that). If you end up alone (the word *alone* has all of these negative connotations that are TOTALLY FALSE), ANYway...if you do end up alone, freak girl, you will NEVER be the frumpy type. Are you kidding me?? All the married chicks are gonna be so jealous of your frickin' rad life!! I see you with so many rad clothes, shoes, hairstyles, a rad job, etc etc etc. And to top it off, an amazing single girl attitude and a FANTASTIC life. All the frumpy, frazzled moms are gonna be so envious ("why didn't I travel? Why don't I look like her? How come I don't have a job that I love? What was I thinking by getting married too young? Why do I feel so stressed all the time? Why doesn't she have stretch marks? Why is her body better than mine? Etc etc etc). You don't have to search for love or wait for it. It comes when it comes. And maybe the harsh truth is sometimes it doesn't.
You gotta lighten your own load before you totally focus on others. Maybe that entails a little bit of service but, man! Go get your hair done and get a RAD outfit!! You deserve it! You have every right to have the life that YOU want, whether single or not.
Harsh as it may sound, Bags is right and Foxy could not be more wrong. She said, "I see you with so many rad clothes, shoes, hairstyles. All the frumpy, frazzled moms are gonna be so envious..." With all due respect Foxy, clothes, shoes, and hairstyles? You've got to be kidding! How long do those make you happy? And the frumpy frazzled mom? I'll cut you some slack on that one because you can't really know the joy of having children until you've experienced it. But let me just say that the joy of children is, well, about a bazillion times that of a new pair of shoes.
To get back on the subject that Bags brought up, Spencer Kimball said, "In serving others, we “find” ourselves in terms of acknowledging divine guidance in our lives. Furthermore, the more we serve our fellowmen in appropriate ways, the more substance there is to our souls. We become more significant individuals as we serve others. We become more substantive as we serve others—indeed, it is easier to “find” ourselves because there is so much more of us to find!
George McDonald observed that
“it is by loving and not by being loved that one can come nearest to the soul of another”.
Of course, we all need to be loved, but we must be giving and not always receiving if we want to have the wholeness of our lives and a reinforced sense of purpose."
Here's Foxy's churchy answer: The scriptures say that when we lose ourselves in the service of others we find ourselves. So, it is in our own best interest, for us, ourselves, not others, that the best way to be happy, and loved, is to be loving and in the service of others. I think that this type of happiness is just slightly (lots of sarcasm here) better than that new outfit or new pair of shoes. I have learned from the best teacher I know, and I know from first hand experience (lots and lots of years), that, yep, Jesus' way is better than that of the world's to know true love and happiness.
Can I get an amen?!
That was not the point of my post. Obviously there are less tangible things that make you more happy. But the girl needs some encouragement. She's an amazing girl with SO much untapped potential, single or married. She needs to know that she's gonna be just fine whether she gets married or not. This culture focuses way too much on marriage. It is making girls base their identity and worth on their single-hood. And being single here is a bad thing...but in reality, there's nothing wrong with it. Girls are willing to settle for Homer Simpson over being alone. That's not okay. Harsh as it may sound, not everyone gets married and people need to learn how to be okay with that. You've gotta be one hundred percent comfortable with your single self in order to be happy in this life. In other words, if you get married great, if you don't great! It should go both ways. I want her to know that.
I can see where "Foxy" is coming from as well as "Bags." I would like to know, however, how much service Paul actually does...
It's a tendency to want to tell others what to do while not doing much of it yourself...yeah?
Paul does a lot of service. I get where you're all coming from. I appreciate all your comments. I'm just trying to get through it all. Thanks for being there.
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