I had a major break through yesterday.
I had been texting an Ex about a couple of things and I was just so frustrating that I still haven't been able to completely let go and every time we speak I have feelings of sadness and anxiety about what could have happened... but didn't. We were actually talking about how he had become friends with a girl I went to high school who's become a pretty sketchy chick. I was frustrated that these are the kinds of people he spends his time with. You are who your friends are.
What it really comes down to is that I was still sad that he didn't want me. I tried so hard to be everything I could for him and put so much effort into the relationship. I loved him.
But then as I was driving last night it just hit me. Every time I talk to him I get so upset about things he does or people he is with or the way he lives his life. All this time I'd been upset about this person he could have been but wasn't. I wanted him to be my perfect guy...when he just wasn't. He ISN'T! So why continue wishing I could be with someone I saw so much potential in when that isn't the person he is?! That isn't what I want! I want to be with someone that is my perfect fit. I don't want to force the puzzle piece in when it just doesn't go there.
I feel done. It feels over. And I am so grateful for that.
Love you guys
3 years ago
2 comments:
I hate when you can't stop thinking about the things you get really mad about! There should be some kind of technique for us to utilize when we can't stop ourselves....
That IS a great breakthrough, Bailey! I've had the same type of thing happen with two guys... I guess I always look at guys as how I want them to be and not always as they actually are. Sometimes it takes a long time to actually realize you're doing it... Congrats for realizing it and feeling free of him and the relationship! :)
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