Friday, October 31, 2008

Just a little taste :)

Just to spice things up a little...here is an Ex Boyfriend blog. As a side note, I've decided to add pictures to the letters after our "relationships" have ended. It may not be ethical, but do we really care?! :) Enjoy!



This is Ex Boyfriend #1, Zack. I will always consider him one of the best things that ever happened to me. We met in October of 2005 and dated until December of 2005. We spent some time apart, but got back together in July of 2006, and dated again until April of 2007. I very much miss his friendship and I know whatever Zack wants to accomplish, he will! Miss his face!

This is Steve. We met in January 2007 and dated until May of that same year. We grew a lot as individuals in this relationship and I think we both left being stronger. He has so much potential and I hope his life is full happiness!



This is Derek. Ex Boyfriend #3. We met in July 2007 in a Barn for a church activity. I was teaching my friends how to flirt (apparently, I've got skills) where I charmed myself into his life. We broke up December 2007. I couldn't have asked for a better break up. Sad, but mature. I still love and miss his guts! He's going to be a fancy lawyer someday...I'm sure I'll need his services in the future!

Me, Myself, and I

Although I'm at work and could be working....or even doing homework...I feel inspired to blog! When I get to work I usually check out all updated blogs and they usually give me a drive to write again. Yay for blog friends.

SO, things with I have been progressing. He is fun to be with and we laugh a lot. For those of you that know me in real life, I'm sure you know I drip with sarcasm and sometimes can offend people for the sake of a joke (oops, not on purpose of course!) anyway, he seems to get me that way. He lets me dish it out as much as I want, and gives it back (when he can think of a good comeback! HA!) I'm trying to keep it casual as I have recently come to the conclusion that I am terrified of commitment. With the culture I've grown up in, there is so much emphasis on finding the "one" and getting married ASAP and have tons of babies so you can have your own basketball team. WELL, life has gone a little differently for me and as time goes on I am more and more accepting and excited for a future of endless possibilities that currently only involve ME! We know how much I love me, so no complaints here! I kind of got off the subject...but oh yeah, I is a fun guy. We do have some differing opinions about some topics where there is no room for compromise (as much as I'd like to elaborate, there isn't an end to this story, so no reason in opening Pandora's box) so we will need to have many a discussion regarding those issues. For now, keep it cool, calm, and collected. Deep breaths, deep breaths.

Monday, October 27, 2008

2 For 1

SO much to blog about today! Well...We have two more letters- H and I.

H is a guy I knew about 3 years ago. We went out a couple times, but kind of lost touch and nothing really came of it. He found me again on facebook via friends of friends and he asked me out for Friday. We went out to dinner and then comedy sportz. It was a really fun night! The show was probably the funniest time I have ever ever seen it! Laughed uncontrollably! But as per my usual, not sure there was any spark. I wouldn't mind hanging out with him again just to be sure, but if nothing else I would like being his friend.

So on to Saturday. I actually had some reservations about Saturday night. I and...well I ha ha went to high school together. To be honest, even after spending time together I don't remember him, but I'm sure he doesn't remember me, so whatever. Regardless of my anxiety, I went anyway and had one of the best dates I've had in a long time. First we went ice skating and he got to watch me freak out about not wanting to fall and skating so terribly. But he was very nice and didn't push me on my face...even though I think he would have thought it was a little funny to see me fall! After ice skating (and NO falling on my part :) we went to get milkshakes. Awesome just to talk and laugh with the other couple- it's nice to find a group of people you can have a fun time with. After milkshakes we went back to his place to watch a movie. We ended up waiting a bit for his friends to come over...so our movie didn't get started until 12. We ended up talking a lot after that....and fast forward, I didn't get home until 5:30! Bah! WAY too late, but worth the great conversation.

I'm not sure if anything will or can happen with him, for a number of reasons, but even if I never see him again (you never know, I could get hit by a bus) at least I had one of the best nights I've had in a long time! A+ plus for him...and ME!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

A former cheerleader who left her excitment in high school.

Date with G was great. He was sweet and kind and overall I had a good time. I especially appreciated the fact he was prepared- as opposed to, "what do you want to do?" "I dunno, what do you want to do?" I hate that. We had fun, but I think that is all it was. Just fun. There wasn't really any chemistry, but I'm glad I went. It gives me a little more faith that there are some good ones out there.

On our date I actually ran into an ex of mine. It made me sad- I miss him a lot. He will always be one of those defining people in my life. He hugged me and it just brought back a lot of emotions I had forgotten. But...that's over now. Life goes on.

On the same lines of the ex- he text me the other night just to ask a question, not even sure about what anymore, but we ended up talking about dating. He said I really have no choice but to play the dating "game." He said I can refuse to play- but I will lose, so I might as well play, and play well. I can't seem to be satisfied with this. Why should I have to pretend I don't like him, but I really do, and be mean to him- cause he will like me more, or tell him I'm not interested, but I really am, etc. etc. etc. It seems like so much when all I really want is an honest, open relationship with good communication. It seems like a paradox to be the girl playing the game, with an ultimate goal of no game playing from the other side. So what do we do? Is there a happy medium? Do I have to just pick one side, is there no compromise? Is playing the "game" really that bad? So many questions...so little enthusiasm.

Friday, October 17, 2008

It's Friday...and I have a date!

The last couple weeks have been more than difficult for me. I've got so much going on, so much to worry about. It's been really a test of endurance to say the least. Today, I hope things will start looking up.

Tonight I have a date! A real live boy and girl date! I feel like its been so long...I think around 3 months. So, he definitely deserves the letter G. G is a really nice guy as far as I can tell. He is in my ward and he is in the Sunday school presidency, and I teach Sunday school...so there you go. I really don't know that much about him as far as statistics go. But in the conversations we have had he is very sweet and kind. I'm excited to spend a little time getting to know him better. I'll definitely let you know how it goes.

I'm still having feelings for someone I've written about in the past. I never gave him letter...we are just friends. But the more we talk, the better he becomes. He definitely has things that I could do without, but we all have those right? I just really enjoy his friendship and maybe it's just a crush, who knows.

It's really been good to have this fall break. It's given me some time to just calm down and think about my priorities. Hopefully the rest of the semester will not only bring good dating experiences, but more happy experiences in general.

Top three things I like about the Letter G (not the person, just the letter)

1. Grapes
2. Gummibears
3. Giggling

Feel free to add to the list!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Sigh

I do have a happier post coming...just tonight I'm consumed with memories of ex's. I just can't completely move on. I feel like I gave everything I had to a couple of them, everything. I tried so hard to what I could to make them happy. I wanted so much to be a good girlfriend, a good friend. And they didn't want me. No matter what I did, they didn't want me. Fast forward to now, It's almost been a year single. I miss giving myself that way to someone, but how can I do that when every nice guy I meet I can't seem to find chemistry with? I try so hard and it just doesn't seem to come. I gave everything....and they didn't want it.

Friday, October 10, 2008

I may have been onto something when I was dating older men...

I promise, this hurts me more than you. Well, boy previously mentioned in last blog turned out to be like the rest. We all went to a movie together last Friday and he didn't sit by me and wouldn't even talk to me! At this point, it really is laughable. I will never understand. Such is life.

I found out the other day a friend of mine is divorced. I am really sad for him. He is a good guy and from the way things turned out, he really didn't deserve what he got with the chick he married. As sad as divorce is, I think she did him a favor by leaving. Anyone who tells their husband they are leaving him through IM has some serious issues. Serious.

I know he is interested in dating me. I can't really wrap my head around the idea just yet. If I could just feel completely comfortable with the whole thing it would be perfect. We have just been friends for so long it almost seems weird. I think if things move very slowly I will be willing to see what comes from it. I know when I rush things I get a lot of anxiety and ruin things before they even begin. If we get to a point where we need to discuss the issue, I will definitely be sure to voice my concerns. I really don't have time to waste playing games.

The other night a previous letter called me up to watch a movie. I went. I know things probably wont go anywhere but that night it just felt better than being alone. Is that bad? I really don't care that much if it is. At least for one night I had some company right?

Monday, October 6, 2008

All good in my hood.

This weekend my best friend set me up. I hate being set up, as there are usually unmet expectations and that can get a little messy. I almost would have rather just gone to bed early on Friday night, but I already promised I would go and of course I wanted to spend time with Melissa.

I think my "date" thought it was more intimate than I did, Melissa convinced me we were all just "hanging out." I'm really glad she convinced me to go though, because I think we got along really well. It was nice to feel that someone was even a little interested as the last two attempts didn't go so well. I want to get to know him better, he seems like he is a really nice guy...despite the fact that he is 3 months younger and I am a year ahead in school.

I will see him again tonight. I still can't tell if he is interested enough to start dating, but I guess will see. For now, I am satisfied as I have had a pleasant "dating" experience.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

That wasn't very nice.

Not knowing someone is certainly no basis for judging them. Lately that has been my biggest frustration. I feel like I was pushed to the side for no legitimate reason. Not only that, but not being romantically interested in someone is not a sufficient reason to be rude. I am kind of intense, my humor is very sarcastic and I love to laugh and make jokes. But I also believe I am generally a nice person. I try not to criticize or judge and I feel like being polite is important. I only wish people felt responsible to give me the same courtesy.