A former cheerleader who left her excitment in high school.

Date with G was great. He was sweet and kind and overall I had a good time. I especially appreciated the fact he was prepared- as opposed to, "what do you want to do?" "I dunno, what do you want to do?" I hate that. We had fun, but I think that is all it was. Just fun. There wasn't really any chemistry, but I'm glad I went. It gives me a little more faith that there are some good ones out there.

On our date I actually ran into an ex of mine. It made me sad- I miss him a lot. He will always be one of those defining people in my life. He hugged me and it just brought back a lot of emotions I had forgotten. But...that's over now. Life goes on.

On the same lines of the ex- he text me the other night just to ask a question, not even sure about what anymore, but we ended up talking about dating. He said I really have no choice but to play the dating "game." He said I can refuse to play- but I will lose, so I might as well play, and play well. I can't seem to be satisfied with this. Why should I have to pretend I don't like him, but I really do, and be mean to him- cause he will like me more, or tell him I'm not interested, but I really am, etc. etc. etc. It seems like so much when all I really want is an honest, open relationship with good communication. It seems like a paradox to be the girl playing the game, with an ultimate goal of no game playing from the other side. So what do we do? Is there a happy medium? Do I have to just pick one side, is there no compromise? Is playing the "game" really that bad? So many questions...so little enthusiasm.