It's been a rough day. It's been a rough little while but as the days pile, it gets a little harder to smile. I'm especially self conscious lately. I don't feel attractive at all. I know I need to do the things that help, like work out, and maybe even paint my nails once in awhile, but it seems hard to even go to the gym feeling so insecure.
My birthday is coming up soon. The older I get, the less exciting birthdays have become. I was so excited to turn 16, 18, and even 21. But now with 22 just around the corner I'm forced to look back and wonder what have I done worth mentioning? It doesn't seem like much.
I thought my life would have been so much different by the time I turned 22. Especially in relationships. Growing up in Utah County, I honestly expected myself to be married at 18 or 19. And here I am, not only not married, but single as well. It can get depressing, but at the same time I wouldn't trade my life experiences for anything. I've been a lot of places and seen a lot of things and I will carry them with me forever. Sometimes, I just wish I had someone to share what I've learned with.
I have friends who wonder if they will ever get married, ever be in a relationship worthy of marriage and it's easy to give them advice- to tell them don't worry, just live your life, enjoy the journey that life has brought you to now. But it's 100% harder to tell those things to myself. And believe them.
Love you guys
4 years ago
2 comments:
Bai. You are fabulous, and like you said, think of all the experiences you've had that you may not have had being married, or with a bunch of kids. These experiences will help you in the next phase of your life, and believe it or not, you'll be better prepared for this important relationship. These times, these single times, are what give you the time to figure out who you are, what you like, where you want to go and so much more. Don't trade them. They'll be gone before you know it. I'm not saying that i'm not happy where I am, but I'm greatful that I got married later so that I could do all the travelling, and growing that I did in those college days. Enjoy every minute and don't waste your breath saying "It will be better when..." Someone great once told me to "enjoy every stage of your life." I totally agree. This chapter will be one of your favorites when you look back, so fill it full of good things. Enjoy the socialness, enjoy dating, go to the activities...you'll be glad you did.
And, don't be down on yourself. You are a gorgeous, fabulous girl...
I adore you Bailey. My life went a bit differently than I expected when I was your age. Not quite according to plan. MY plan at least. Now that I see and am experiencing what the Lord had in store for me, i see that is was worth every bit of waiting, anxiety, sorrow, disappointment. You are such an amazing girl. I love you.
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