Put me in Coach!

June 6th came, and June 6th went.



As you know, I've been sidelined from the dating game due to a wounded heart. Saturday I put myself back in for awhile and I must say the expectations I did not have were exceeded.



My awesome friend Erin decided to set me up with U. First, it is important to note that he actually called me. As in, he picked up the phone, dialed, and used his voice to ask me out! This has become somewhat of an anomaly these days with emails and texting, which in my opinion is ridiculous. A+ on that.



He picked me up at 5:30 (on time) and we headed to dinner. He gave me the option to choose which I appreciated but we ended up at the first Italian restaurant we saw. It was lovely. Next we were off to the Real Salt Lake soccer game. I had never been to a professional soccer name. People go nuts there. And excuse me...did someone say David Archuletta?! He had a free concert after the game! I think U was more excited about that than I was. It was cute.



After the game we met up with Erin and her fiance for ice cream. It was so good to see her and catch up...and she looked as gorgeous as ever. It's so funny how with some people no matter how long its been you can pick up right where you left off. Loved it.



After that we took the long drive back home. The most interesting thing about this date is that I walked away knowing almost as much as I knew about him when he came. Close to nothing. But...we were talking the entire time. I can't quite figure out what it was that we talked about...but I do remember it was fun. We definitely bonded over our love of 80's pop music which I'm not sure there is a stronger bond to be made.



So, my final assessment: I had a great time. I appreciated very much the efforts he made for me and I hope that I made his time worth while. Sometimes I think we (women) don't give enough credit to the guys for taking us out. So to U, and any guys who feel unappreciated, I offer my sincere thanks. U was kind, sweet, and made me laugh. I would definitely do it again.

I'll read you

Last night I had dinner with my good friend P, Joanne, and Chris. J&C presented me with my very own "real" first ever book. It's a hardback that contains my first 100 posts of this blog. It truly is incredible. Holding it in my hands gives me a sense of accomplishment. I did this. I wrote these words. It's a high that I need to find again...good thing I'm starting my first book soon :)

I love blogging. It really is just a fancy word for keeping a journal. As I was looking through the pages, I could just see the changes I've made so clearly. I am different...I am better. Seeing where I've been as opposed to having only a flicker of memories makes me appreciate so much more the design and shape my life has taken.

Writing has such a tangibility that everyone should experience in their life. Although you may not think so, people want to read your story. Your life is interesting because it doesn't belong to anyone else. I want to read who you are.

Dear everyone I've ever known....

Relationships in any capacity are fascinating to me.

I wonder how different my life would be had I not encountered every single person I've ever met. I'm sure for some of them, like the person who bagged my groceries, or the cashier at the gas station, my life would have turned out just the same had I not crossed their path. But when I think about my 6th grade teacher who pushed me to work harder, or my dance coaches who were there for me every competition, or my best girl friend I met in college, who would I have been without them?

Even in my romantic life there are people I needed to experience. I needed to meet horrible verbally (and probably physically had I stuck around long enough) abuse guy so I would know that not only was I strong enough to leave, but that I would never allow myself to be treated that way.

Ultimately I'm grateful for all of them. Of course I have insecurities, but generally I think I can be proud of the person I am. Thanks world! ;)

Food Baby

I didn't feel well this morning.


Last night my friend P (it's been forever since I've mentioned him, but we've become great friends!) and I went out to dinner. I'm pretty sure I ate my weight in greasy fast food. So when I got home I ate Tums like candy and went to bed. My poor body had a night of tossing and turning. This morning I called in and told work I'd be there later than normal.


Now they are all convinced I'm prego with morning sickness.


Although I am not... I think I should still throw a No-Baby Baby shower. And everyone can bring presents. I could really use some new pumps.

Different strokes for different folks

Growing up my parents taught us not to focus on material aspects.

"Experiences are more important things," my Mom used to say.

I agree with this sentiment. But that doesn't mean money isn't important.

I'll be completely honest and tell you that when I'm dating someone, their future plan with regards to finances is something I care about. I don't need a big fancy car or a massive house on the hill. I don't need to buy designer clothes or fine jewelry. I do very much want a few things though....

1. I want to be able to give my future children the opportunity to find their passion. I love dancing so much. More than I could ever express. But there was always a part of me that knew it was really expensive and I felt like a burden to my parents on many occasions because of it. I would be lying if I said my decision to stop competing had nothing to do with the monetary aspect.

2. I want to be able to take my family on vacations. Although my parents didn't have a lot, somehow my Mom made it a point to travel with us. Those are some of my most sacred memories.

3. I want to help people. I would love to start a non-profit foundation that raises money for women suffering from depression and anxiety. It would put funds toward drug research and therapy for those who can not afford it.

I believe in traditional values. I want a husband who will provide for my family. Of course I plan on having finishing my education and furthering my career. I know this is something that differs for each individual. But for me? I want to feel some kind of security.

Where are you?

It's amazing what the morning can do after a night full of darkness.



I thought I had moved on. Last week, he asked me to read a book about love. In that conversation he gave the implication that maybe...we could try again.



As I read the book I became full of hope. Hope for love, and hope for loving him. Days passed and the hope grew as I turned the pages. I decided I could do it. We could do it.



I don't know what changed, or why things turn out the way they do. He didn't want to try again. He made that clear. My heart felt broken...again.



But today....today is better than yesterday. By miles.



Although he wont let me love him....I feel hopeful that I can love someone else. He'll be lucky....when I find him.

Surprised? Me too.

I imagine being truly rejected feels much like being buried alive.

A part of you is terrified of what may happen. You're confused, scared, anxious. You can't breathe and your chest gets heavier by the second. You keep asking why this is happening to you and what you did to deserve having to go through this experience.

This is how I felt tonight. Completely and utterly rejected by someone that holds a part of my heart.

I'm in pieces. I'll tell you why tomorrow.