I give up

Oh gosh. Today I met up with F just to talk in between classes. We have been texting a bit, so it was good to talk in person for while. He looks so cute when he smiles...just an fyi. Only problem is that I'm pretty sure I made an idiot out of myself. What is happening?? I kept making stupid jokes...probably because I was nervous and insecure (about something in particular, but nothing serious) anyways, I probably wont be hoping for a phone call in my future. So sad. :(.

F is for Fabulous!

The saddest part about this post is that I needed to scroll down a few pages to remember what letter I'm on! BUT guess what?! We finally have a potential F.

So the other day in class, our teacher goes a little nuts. She is always a ball full of crazy, but today she decided to slam on this kids desk to make a point. I don't even remember the point so I think we can safely say her teaching tactics should be reviewed. So, after she bangs on the desk, the kid of course is a little freaked out and she says to the class, "F is a little freaked out, can somebody say something nice about him to make him feel better?" everyone just sits there. So of course I take the opportunity to make myself laugh and use my Marylin Monroe sexy voice and say "F, you're so hot!"

I guess this is a really great way to meet boys because guess who asks me out over facebook the next week? I'm not kidding. Facebook.

So, we have an unofficial date for an undisclosed time. Good enough for me.

Will YOU marry me?

The most imperative reason for me to get married tomorrow: government grants to pay my tuition.

Would you buy my flirting book?

Everyday I casually make my way to class from the parking lot. I then leave my second class and go to the next and to the next, eventually finishing the day and back to the parking lot. The best part of my day is the walking because I get to look over possible dating candidates and I will say that Utah Valley University houses some of the sexiest creations this planet as ever seen.

My issue today though, how do you start a conversation with them?

"Um, excuse me, you're really hot and so far I'm not sure if you have any deeper substance but do you want to go out?"

It just doesn't work that way, nor do I want it to. Ideally I'd like to somehow start a conversation which can lead to a little more insight into what this person actually has to say about the world and go from there. But these days it seems taboo to just say Hello!!

Some days I have a feisty little streak of bravery where I think I can break the mold and begin a conversation. I think this next week I'll use one of those days to my advantage. I could write a book on flirting...but the rest of it I could really use directions.

22...older than 21.

I turned 22 yesterday. My day was much better than expected; I felt loved. No dating prospects. Still single. Does anyone have a single Brother? Cousin? Friend? Friend of Friend of Friend? :)

Good Morning.

I had a really great day. Sunday's are amazing as is, but it seemed so perfect. I had time with wonderful family and my lesson went better than expected. For a moment, I felt so happy. I just got excited about possibilites, about futures, about life. Then it was like I woke up. It was all a dream and I woke up. I wish I could have one of those days but it would go forever and ever. And I would never wake up.

to type or not to type?

I don't have a lot of time, which seems to be the case these days, but I wanted to write on some recent events.

As far as this boy in my class goes, today he crossed the line. I am very much a sarcastic person, and don't mind jokes at my expense from time to time. Today during class, this boy implied that I can't do anything myself and that I'm SO loud. I don't really understand why he felt the need to point these things out in a way that did not seem to be flirty or funny. I wont really concern myself with him from this point. I am not about to waste my precious time on someone who can be mean for no apparent reason. Moving on to bigger and better things.

How do we feel about Internet dating? I am a little embarrassed to say that I have done it in the past, and to be honest, I have ended up with some great dates and one relationship imparticular that taught me a lot and made me a better person. Especially now that I am in school, going to work, and spending countless hours on homework, it seems I have less options and less time to meet people. However, because the Internet dating scene is still slightly taboo....there are definatly some crazies out there I need to watch out for. So, for now, we will consider it an option, but hopefully there will be more opportunities for more conventional ways of dating. Let's hope.

Crazy Lady

So I talked to the boy in my class again. Pretty sure I solidified my idiocy! What is going on?! I swear...boys have never been a problem for me...ha ha...talking to them at least. I kept making STUPID jokes! I'm not going to lie...it is a little amusing to think about it afterward...but that wont get me any dates! What to do?!?!

All you need is Love.

Today I'm having a really hard time being confident. Confident in the fact that I know who I am and like myself regardless of others opinions. Today I started talking to a guy in my class, but I feel like I made an idiot out of myself. I guess maybe I am feeling a little stuck as far as options go, so in my mind, making a good impression on this guy was really important.

I really wonder if how proactive I am will really determine the outcome. Will I end up with the person I am "meant" to be with regardless of how much I put myself out there or how open I am in meeting new people?

How can I stay positive and really develop a love for the person I have become in spite of rejection? Our interpersonal relationships are our only avenue to how we develop our self esteem. However, I feel in relying too much on other people, I will lose myself to them. Ultimately I need to do the best I can with what I have. The thing that may be the biggest challenge is doing what I know is best for me and making that effort to rise to my potential.