I'm not sure I've ever let myself be completely vulnerable to another person. I've shared personal information of course, but I'm not sure I've ever absolutely subjected myself to the option of feelings not being returned.
I've always been exceptionally good at turning on and off feelings and not letting myself step beyond my comfort zone- to save myself from any heartache that could possibly occur.
Recently I've come to a point where it becomes harder and harder to resist in expressing my ever increasing feelings. But this also means putting my heart on the chopping block. To risk having my heart smashed into a million little pieces after which I'll have to pick up all over again. Like the title states- I don't have insurance on broken hearts.
I know I can recover, I'm not afraid of that part. I have moved on in the past and I know that I can do it again without a doubt. However, I have a choice. I don't need to subject myself to the possibility of a deep dark shadow following me for the few months recovery time takes.
So I ask myself: what makes our confessions worth it? Is it life experience we gain? The possibility of a true, lasting relationship? Does the reward outweigh the cost?
Funny how all my usual characteristics; such as being insanely decisive and courageous, seem to not exist when it comes to the world of relationships.
Love you guys
3 years ago
1 comment:
oh my gosh i love this. um are we the same person? because all of these are totally my story. i've been thinking so much lately, "is it even worth it to get my hopes up? to look at a guy and have a hope at all that he'll show interest in me and ask me out?" because then what? he'll be another guy that doesn't measure up? another jerk? another freeloader? does he have a girlfriend? is he LDS? is it even worth it to picture myself with that cute boy at work? that was my weekend.
Post a Comment