It really go me thinking- what does it really mean to know your significant other? I asked Nate awhile ago to tell me his favorite color just in case we were ever on a game show and I would get asked that question. But game show questions really don't say much about the kind of relationship you have. Well, I take that back. It probably shows the superficiality of your relationship.
Maybe I can rattle off Nate's favorite kind of car, or favorite vacation spot. Maybe I know his favorite brand of clothing or ice cream flavor. But why does that matter? It can be nice to know to show that I can listen, or maybe that I am thoughtful when I surprise him with a few of his favorite candy bars.
But if I really cared, I'd probably know what his morals and values are. I'd know what things are most important to him. I'd know what he is a afraid of and what he loves the most. I'd know how he feels about politics and finances. I'd learn what his dreams and aspirations are. These are the things that matter. They matter because we need to have some sort of commonality (beyond the surface interests)to make our relationship successful.
Maybe I don't know what his favorite number is or what movie he will watch over and over (Muppet's in Space) but I know that we have the same goals and ideals. And I'd rather have that as our foundation than one that stands on our equal love of Dr. Pepper.
3 comments:
Hey! My dad sent this to me before Joe and I thought about getting married!
http://www.myfamilyminute.com/articles/viewarticle/index.php?id=243
Before You Say, "I Do" Premarital Questions
By: Family First Staff
Before you say, "I do," you need to make sure you know your potential mate well. You can probably learn a great deal about them just by noting how they live their life. But whether it's by observing or by discussing, you want to make sure you have a clear picture of their character, their lifestyle and their expectations. Here are some questions to get you started. The answers can help you determine in what areas you mesh, and what areas are "red flags."
Lifestyle
· Are they a morning person or a night person?
· Do they like to stay up late and sleep late or are they an "early to bed early to rise" type?
· Do they like to fall asleep to the TV or radio or do they prefer quiet?
· Are they neat or messy? Do they pick up after themselves?
· Can they relax when there are chores to be done or do they prefer working first, then relaxing?
· How often will they want to go out socially as a couple, on their own, or with their friends?
· How much TV do they watch?
· Where will they want to spend the holidays? With their family or yours?
· How often will you spend time with each other's family?
· Do they like to exercise? How often? Do they expect you to exercise too?
· Do they drink alcoholic beverages? How often?
· Do they have the ability to make and keep friends? Do you like and respect their friends?
· Do they want to live in the same town or are they open to relocating?
· Do they want to live in the city, the country or the suburbs?
Children
· How many children do they want?
· How do they want to handle childcare?
· How do they want to handle discipline?
· Would they be open to adoption?
Faith
· What are their religious beliefs?
· How often do they attend worship services?
· How often do they plan on attending services once you are married?
· Do they plan on giving financially to their place of worship? If so, how much?
· What faith will you teach your children?
· What role will faith play in your day-to-day lives?
Commitment
· What are their views on divorce?
· In what circumstances would they consider divorce?
· Would they attend counseling if requested to by you? At what point would they consider that an option?
· What steps will they take to "affair-proof" your marriage?
· What are their views on socializing with opposite sex friends?
Financial
· Do they currently have a savings plan? Do they actually have money saved?
· Do they have a retirement plan?
· Do they have debt? What kind of debt? Credit card debt? Student loans? Car loans?
· Have they borrowed from family and friends? Do they still owe them?
· Do they pay their bills on time?
· Who will handle the bill paying in your marriage?
· How much will you spend on gifts for family and friends?
· Do they have a budget plan for married life?
Ethics and Character
· Do they have clear-cut ideas about right and wrong or do they subscribe to situational ethics?
· Will they lie if it makes things more convenient for them? (For example: Calling in sick to work when they're actually well, cheating or misleading in business deals, saying they never got a request for something when actually they simply forgot to follow through.)
· How would they describe a person of good character?
· Are they willing to do hard work or do they want instant success and quick money?
· Do they accept responsibility when they've made a mistake or try to blame others?
Personality Traits
· Do they have a quick temper? How do they show it? Screaming? Pouting? Walking away? Throwing or breaking things? Driving fast? Physical violence?
· Are they open to discussing sensitive subjects or do they get defensive and withdraw?
· Do they take prescription drugs for mental illness? Would they be open to taking such medication? Would they be open to counseling?
· Do they hold a grudge or are they forgiving?
· Do they complain often about people, work, or other things?
· Do they criticize others — pointing out their flaws and shortcomings?
I wouldn't even have cared if you used my name! That's how open I am about everything that happens to me. But I'm glad that you had something important to contribute. I hope everyone agreed with you/me with how lame it was haha.
I love this! thanks! I am going to try and take this blog into strong advice and use it. I love this!
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